The Game Called Waiting

So...Home. 
I made a lot of goals for you. 
Family time.
Job.
Volunteer.
Exercise. 
Small Group.
Jr. High Ministry


You know, all that good stuff.
But it's been a week. And I already feel completely useless.
I'm not waking up at 8 am everyday ready to head off to the TB center or the baby orphanage. I'm not staying up til 1:30 am working on the VBS for the next day or laughing with my teammates. I'm searching for a job. Tirelessly. I didn't get any classes. That scares the poop out of me. I've never not been in school. I've never been this...idol. I like to be busy. I don't know how to navigate this. 


I know God has a plan. 
I know I just need to ask him to meet me where I'm at and guide me through this. And I have been. But I still feel so...


STUCK.


USELESS.


STAGNANT.


and frankly...bored. 


God, I know I don't have to be radical for you all the time. But I just don't know what I'm supposed to do right here and right now. In this weird limbo. 
I'm still figuring out what I'm supposed to do for the rest of my life.


I'm still searching for my "God assignment". 


And I can't lie.

I'm getting really restless.

If someone offered me a ticket and a way, I would go anywhere right now. anywhere. Back to Russia. To Africa. To South America. To Thailand. Anywhere.

But at the same time I know I'm supposed to be here.

At home.

In stinky Eastvale where you can't even ride your bike through a drive-thru. 

Where everything closes at 10pm.

Where you have to apply to at least 30 places if you want any chance of getting a job.

Where I've lived for 9 years of my life. 

I don't know. I'm confused. I'm sad. I'm annoyed. With myself. With this situation. With...God. I just want answers. I just want to know beyond a shadow of a doubt that I'm at least on the right track.

BUT. 

on a brighter note. 

Philip and I are going to start a Bible study together.

And we have been going to church together. 

And we prayed together.

And I think he's starting to get it. Maybe.

And Dad has been making me vegetarian food.

And I'm babysitting the Rogers' kids next week.

And visiting Josh and Stacy. And Sophia :)

Soooo...not all bad.

I just happen to be seeing my glass as half empty right now.

And I miss Russia.